2025 Love List

Lili Hernandez & Ashley Hiebing, Madison, 9 years
Shammara McMullin & Ziggy Odogun-Williams, Madison, 3 years
DJ Nichols & Lee Stratton, Oshkosh, 9 years
Danny Atwater & Sid Richards, Madison, 6.5 years
Mandy & Mel Smith-Tourville & Sarah Barkdull, Menomonie, 20 Years & 1 Year

Last year, on the 20th anniversary of my marriage to Mandy, someone got us a plaque that read, “The only thing better than falling in love is staying there.” I happen to be lucky enough to enjoy both simultaneously. My name is Mel. I have been married to Mandy for 21 blissful years. I have been partnered with Sarah for 14 beautiful months.

Mandy and Sarah are great friends. The three of us, our children, two dogs, and cat enjoy a quiet, simple life on several acres in rural Wisconsin. Our lives are as exciting as the average family—we share dinners around our large family table, we do the dishes and laundry, we read to our younger children and grandchildren, and we exchange tidbits of wisdom with our teens and grown children. The seasons change, and we enjoy long drives through the fall trees, gardening in the warmth of summer, quiet nights watching the snow fall with a mug of cocoa, and the magic of spring leaves returning to our Northwood trees.

Polyamory has been an integrated part of all three of our lives for decades. We support one another’s relationships and honor one another’s journey—together and independently. Our polycule has always included individuals who are dedicated to gentle parenting and the respectful treatment of children of all ages. We have raised many children, watching them grow into compassionate, creative, and thoughtful adults. We enjoy their company whether we are visiting their homes or having them return home for visits, especially when they bring our beautiful and absolutely perfect grandchildren and grandpuppies. We share laughter and joy. We solve challenges with care—listening, sharing openly, and building connection at every opportunity. We have created an extraordinary life out of the ordinary. We have a beautiful community of friends, family, and chosen family who walk beside us in this life.

There are days where the world looks very bleak—the madness of U.S. politics, attacks on our trans and queer loved ones, the crushing weight of capitalist economics on those trying to survive, racism and white supremacy—and the desperate need for safety and justice—pandemics and health challenges, climate crisis weather tearing through towns and cities, war and genocide that exists without disruption, deportation and family separation policies that harm people who matter, endless worries about the future that our grandchildren will inherit. It is these realities that drive us to create safety and justice and peace within the walls of our home and community.

We want to do our small part to be the best neighbors, friends, parents, grandparents, caretakers of our elders, advocates, and revolutionaries that we can be. We want to love one another well and fully. May we all sharpen our focus to take care of those we love and be available to increase the justice, safety, and security of those within our midst. In these times of uncertainty, we need one another more than ever before.