Fake journalist Tucker Carlson has long been considered a homophobe, a person who doesn’t like gay people, but his recent interview in which he claimed that Pete Buttigieg is “fake gay” was a decidedly queer idea, even for him. I mean, come on now. the former Transportation Secretary’s first name is Peter, a slang term for a man’s junk, and his last name starts with the word Butt. Can’t get much gayer than that. For some time, Carlson has had what could be seen as a journalistic crush on Peter, almost to the point of obsession.

A little background here. Way back in his college days, Carlson’s yearbook listed him as a member of the Dan White Society and the Jesse Helms Foundation. White was violently anti-gay. Helms was virulently anti-gay. Side note: way back in 1996, three psychologists (Henry Adams, Lester Wright, Jr., and Bethany Lohr) conducted a study in which they observed that there was a strong correlation between homophobia and homosexual arousal. Just sayin’. Way back in his high school days, Carlson bragged about beating up a gay man. One time a gay friend of mine was loudly and publicly harassed and threatened by a man and the man came back later when the crowd had left and tried to pick up my gay friend for sex. That man was not Tucker Carlson, but those of us in the queer community see these kinds of self-hating gays all the time. Another story about Tucker, whose name rhymes with a word starting with F, tells how he also used a different F word for gay men on air. He wears his homophobia like a badge of honor.

Carlson’s fear and hatred of trans people is even worse. There are numerous documented instances of his transphobia, including calling trans children grotesque, describing trans people as fakers, claiming that parents force children to transition, inviting known anti-trans activists onto his show, misgendering trans folks, and more. He wears his transphobia like a dress of honor. The man seems to spend a lot of his time ruminating about gay men, transgender people, and the LGBT community in general.

Let’s get back to the Pete Buttigieg-inspired exchange between Carlson and Michael Knowles. Some of the lowlights in that interview include the following:

• During the interview, in his high-pitched voice Carlson, in referring to Buttigieg said, “My gay producer is always saying ‘he’s not gay,’” which clearly shows that Carlson is not anti-gay because he has a gay producer. Sort of like the old “I have a black friend, so I can’t be a racist.” Or insert gay friend, trans friend, Arabic friend,” and on and on. You get the picture. And, of course, if your all-knowing gay producer says it, it must be true.
• He continued with, “He was with a girl like twenty minutes ago . . .” Because of course, being with someone of the opposite sex absolutely definitively positively makes one straight, just like experimenting with gay sex absolutely definitively positively makes one gay.
• And then, he continued with, “. . . he wants to be the Democratic nominee. It’s like time for a gay guy.” Yes, that makes sense. Because the nation that started its quicker slide into fascism as a backlash to the country electing a black man President, and the country that cannot seem to elect a woman President despite countries all over the world doing just that, is totally ready to elect a gay guy. Everyone wants one.
• He talked about Buttigieg as mayor of South Bend, Indiana, where Pete grew up. [Buttigieg] “finds some benighted Midwestern town that he can just become the mayor of.” This is what politicians have done going back to Andrew Johnson, best remembered as the former mayor of Greeneville, Tennessee. There was also Grover Cleveland, who was not the mayor of Cleveland, Ohio, but of Buffalo, New York. And finally, Calvin Coolidge, the renowned mayor of Northampton, Massachusetts. Clearly, being a mayor and being gay (calling James Buchanan here) are surefire paths to the highest office in the land.
• As any good journalist does, Carlson wrapped it up by saving the best for last: “But I’ve always wanted to interview him.” There’s that journalist crush coming back again. But wait, listen up closeted gays, because this is the most innovative way to learn more about what it’s like to be gay. Grand advice from the anti-gay, homophobic Tucker Carlson himself: “He’s never agreed to interview, but I’m going to ask him like some very specific questions about gay sex and see if he can even answer. I doubt he even knows.” Incredible advice: Let the gays tell you how to gay. Because they know.

Tucker Carlson, the expert on gays and transgender citizens, showing off his knowledge as only a straight man can do. I think I have a journalistic crush now, too.

Originally from Shullsburg, Wisconsin Callen Harty is the author of four books and numerous published essays, poems, and articles. His most recent book is The Stronger Pull, a memoir about coming out in a small town in Wisconsin. His first book was My Queer Life, a compilation of over 30 years worth of writing on living life as a queer man. It includes essays, poems, speeches, monologues, and more. Empty Playground: A Survivor’s Story, is a memoir about surviving childhood sex abuse. His play, Invisible Boy, is a narrative with poetic elements and is also an autobiographical look as surviving child sex abuse. All are available on Amazon.com (and three of them on Kindle) or can be ordered through local bookstores, He has written almost two dozen plays and 50 monologues that have been produced. Most of them have been produced at Broom Street Theater in Madison, Wisconsin where he started as an actor, writer, and director in 1983. He served as the Artistic Director of the theater from 2005-2010. Monologues he wrote for the Wisconsin Veterans’ Museum won him awards from the Wisconsin Historical Society and the American Association of State and Local History. He has also had essays, poems, and articles published in newspapers and magazines around the country and has taken the top prize in several photo contests. His writing has appeared in Out!, James White Review, Scott Stamp Monthly, Wisconsin State Journal, and elsewhere. He has had several essays published online for Forward Seeking, Life After Hate, and The Progressive. Callen has also been a community activist for many years. He was the co-founder of Young People Caring, UW-Madison’s 10% Society, and Proud Theater. He served as the first President of Young People Caring and as the Artistic Director for Proud Theater for its first five years. He is still an adult mentor for the group. In 2003 he won OutReach’s Man of the Year award for his queer community activism. OutReach is Madison, Wisconsin’s lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender community center. He also won a Community Shares of Wisconsin Backyard Hero award for his sex abuse survivor activism work. He has been invited to speak before many community groups, at a roundtable on queer community theater in New York City, and has emceed several events. In 2016, Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault named him their annual Courage Award winner for his activism, writing, and speaking on sexual assault.