From January 6 – 18, the Angelica Company will be in Madison performing Hamilton at the Overture Center for the Arts. Ahead of the show, Our Lives sat down with Nathan Haydel, who plays John Laurens in the show, to talk queer representation, acting, and touring.

Our Lives: Can you give us a little bit of your background? 

Nathan: Well, the story starts way back in 2002. My family’s from New Orleans and I grew up going between New Orleans and Atlanta, so southern belle! I grew up playing sports because I have brothers and a lot of cousins that would all play sports and so I played. I was pretty good at it, but then I started singing in middle school. I wanted to do music and then I started acting in high school. I had a little Troy Bolton moment where my drama teacher said you need to choose between basketball or auditions. It was awesome and so ever since we’ve been in the arts. 

OL: As a queer performer in a Hamilton, what responsibilities do you feel about carrying out history and culture? 

N: I think the responsibility largely for us, at least for myself, falls in the realm of just staying as active as possible with the understanding that what you’re doing every night is very abstract in a way. We are playing a bunch of slave owners on stage, but we’re rapping and most of us, if not all of us, are Black. It kind of doesn’t make sense in a way, but it’s fanciful, it’s art and storytelling. I think it’s the higher responsibility of the actor and the performer to understand the boundaries of the creative storytelling aspects, and then what is reality. 

OL: You have a side project creating music under the name Nat Riel. How are you balancing creating music for that project, as well as performing in a very demanding show?

N: You’re in a world where you don’t have a lot of things grounding you, and you’re kind of on your own in a lot of ways. So, having something to put your focus into outside of what you’re doing on stage or what you’re doing every night can be really helpful. I travel with my monitor speakers, my audio interface, and other tools that I need to create my home studio setup in whatever hotel or Airbnb that I’m in. My process of moving in and moving out is a lot of work, but it’s helpful. It keeps you grounded in what you’re doing. It provides a space to be creative outside of the show. There’s a lot that goes on within the show, whether it be your own social interactions or notes that you’re getting from directors. The amount of care that you’re trying to put into your show can be very overwhelming because everyone is trying to do their best in a machine like Hamilton. It can be very frustrating sometimes, so having something else to be completely 180 degrees away is very much needed. I like to think of it as like therapy. 

OL: Queer people often build our chosen families but when you’re touring, when you’re on the road all the time, what can you do to keep yourself connected? 

N: That’s a beautiful question, and I’m still actively trying to figure out better ways to do it. I’ve been doing my best to call my friends, call my family, Facetime, and participate in group chats. It’s brilliant, but sometimes the phone gets to be a lot. Being in the screen is really crazy, it doesn’t fulfill you in the way that you would want or allow you to touch grass in the way that you feel you actually deserve. Recently, I feel I’ve been struggling really badly with that, like my mental health has gotten really low because of that. I just came out of college. I didn’t finish. I watched my friends graduate, some leave, and I never spoke to them, or they never spoke to me ever again. It’s hard, but it’s rewarding to understand that everyone’s going through a growth period no matter what age you are or where you’re at in life. It is hard feeling disconnected from your people, but at the same time, it is like “OK, it’s not going to be forever.” That’s especially true when it’s a tour. Even if you tour for eight years you’re not gonna tour forever. It’s important to know that it’s temporary, and if you don’t feel as connected to the people you wanted to be connected to, it’s going to be OK. You will have a chance to be a part of their lives, and they will be a part of yours soon. You have to have faith in that and then try to just be gentle with yourself. Then you can reach out to them and you can visit. Don’t be too hard on yourself trying to make the relationship fulfill you more when it’s not the right time for you. It’s hard, but it’s rewarding.

OL: Do you do you still play sports? 

N: I do actually! One good thing about being on tour is you get to go to a lot of places and there’s a lot of different opportunities for different things. I love to get out and play basketball or soccer. I tried fencing recently, that was really cool. I’m going to try a martial art next time we get a longer sit down. I did trapeze for a like a second, we were in Montreal, that was beautiful. 

OL: If you could queer code or reimagine any character in Hamilton, what dimension could you add to them? 

N: I think about that a lot for my own character (John Laurens). I love to speculate on the homoerotic nature of all the Sons of Liberty and just the possibility of that. I think specifically for John Laurens and Hamilton, there’s a lot of subtexts, especially in the little moments together. For instance, before the top of “Ten Duel Commandments,” when they’re looking into each other’s eyes, I’m afraid of what’s going to happen. Or after Eliza reads the letter and they have a moment to connect right then, it feels like there was more. I had a friend who passed, but a deeper connection that sparked something else in Hamilton’s mind: he needed to run from it or run in some way. I think I it’s one thing to think yeah someone died that you care about, and so you’re you feel like you need to keep going and doing other stuff. That goes nonstop and we don’t see him pause until his son died. But thinking of it as a potential lover or romantic interest has died and the implications at that time, that would have pushed him to like run and be more nonstop. 

OL: What does visibility mean to you to stand on that stage as a queer artist, what do you hope younger queer folks, maybe people still in high school, what do you want them to take away?

N: Accepting acceptance. I spent a lot of time not feeling accepted by a lot of things, feeling like I wasn’t worthy because I didn’t fit in certain type of thing or archetype of queer or straight or Black, even being an actor. I never felt like I could deliver lines in the way that people like or I never thought that I would be able to dance or move my body in a way that people like. Or my nose length and my eye shape or my unevenness of that was never going to be something that like people would want to see on a TV screen or on a stage. And that is not true. I would love for more people or any children or even adults who are struggling to able to view themselves as what they want.  Like there is no wrong way to love, to talk to people, to share kindness, to be present, and to just be yourself. 

OL: Enjoy Madison next month! 

N: I’m excited! My one of my closest friends is from Wisconsin so he’s gonna show me around. 

OL: Make sure you bring your coat, it’s a little chilly up here.

N:  Yes. I’m looking for boots right now. 

Nathan Haydel is delighted to be making their debut with the Angelica company! He has been studying Electronic Production and design at Berklee College of Music and is currently releasing music under the name “Nat Riel.” Special shout-out to Sophia Steigerwald, Jarrett O’Neal, LeRell Ross, Tre Floyd Productions, Sis Thee Doll, the LINK Program, and MANY, many more! I love you, Mom and Dad!